Sunday, 16 December 2012

birth


i don't like birthday.
i said that with all honesty.

it's true.
i don't like it. especially when it is mine.
as for me, birthday means less time to live. getting closer to death. and i'm always being anxious, wondering, reminiscing, what i had done in the passing years. 

did i waste this life? 
have i done anything worth this soul, anything good for me, other people, and those ones important to me? have i left enough evidence of my existence so that when i die someday, i won't be forgotten like fallen leaves? do i have any regrets?

banyak orang mengatakan jika saat berulang tahun maka kita harus bersyukur kepada Tuhan. kalau itu gue juga tahu. setiap hari saya bangun dalam keadaan lega luar biasa. saya masih hidup. masih menghirup udara pagi. aku berterimakasih masih diberi kesempatan menempati tubuh ini.

but i'm scared.
like hell.


the clock is ticking.
i'm approaching the death i don't know when it comes.
i should live my life.
but how?
 i should go doing something good and meaningful.
but what?

mungkinkah amal baikku akan cukup menolongku di pengadilan? ataukah semakin lama aku hidup, semakin banyak pula dosa yang kubuat? kenapa aku tidak bisa mengingat perjanjianku dengan Tuhan, yang katanya dilakukan para jiwa-jiwa sebelum mereka ditiupkan ke dalam janin? kenapa waktu itu aku menyanggupi dilahirkan ke dunia? kenapa aku diberikan kehidupan? apakah untuk suatu perubahan? untuk melakukan kebaikan? atau hanya sebatas jawaban atas permohonan orangtua yang menginginkan seorang anak?

i don't like birthday.
that's why i switched my cell-phone off and didn't touch it all day long.

thank you, God, for giving me this life.
but....


i don't know.
z. d. imama

1 comment:

  1. My mom said the same to me, "Don't say happy birthday. It's not a happy day. They have less time to live and you call it happy?"
    I still say "happy birthday" to few people, though.

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